I'm not sure what "we are" anymore, but I am sad and angry, and I pray for something better.

Nothing in this past week is more important than the sad fact that a small group of young boys had their lives destroyed by one sick, selfish man.

People keep politely using the term “alleged” to describe the actions of a clearly horrifying monster. The evidence is stacked. The courts will surely have their say. If anyone thinks for a moment Jerry Sandusky did not do these things, they are naïve to a dangerous degree. The state attorney general’s office acted carefully and spent years building evidence. They knew they couldn’t move without an airtight and overwhelming case, because if they did, the army of public opinion would overwhelm the credibility of the case, and the institutionalized blindness would be enabled to perpetuate itself.

I am sad in the extreme that these horrifying, abusive, monstrous acts happened.

I am, I guess, a little bummed that Joe Paterno got swept up in it, too, and I could easily see almost any man struggling to do the right thing when confronted with the possibility of having to send a trusted friend to jail in order to do the right thing. However, I cannot help but feel immensely disappointed that, when confronted with a chance to live his lifelong credos, one of my childhood heroes elected instead to act with a disturbing degree of cowardice.

What I feel as a lifelong football fan is dull and inconsequential in the face of things that are so much more important. I am saddened with each new media story I see focusing on Paterno or the football program at Penn State at all. A crime happened here, folks, and it’s a crime weighty and consequential enough that no one should really be giving a crap about football. It’s a freaking game. Get a grip. Screw it. Forget about football right now.

I am angry that Penn State continues to allow itself to be an institution that isolates itself from reality. It looks around at the picturesque mountains of Centre County and feels alone in its mountain hamlet. Because of this, it can become the nation’s number one party school without any social consequences. Because of this, it can allow something as horrifying as this to occur. Because of this, it remains entrenched in a cultural climate that is fundamentally unwelcoming to nonconformists and minorities. Because of this, it becomes the most celebrated corporate recruiting station. Because of this, it can tolerate utterly stupid, mongrel acts of mass riot... repeatedly, and never for any reason greater than alcohol-fueled football fanaticism. Because of this, it can put football first.

As an institution, Penn State has allowed itself to behave like an aging alcoholic in denial. It has allowed itself to behave as though it cares for nothing greater than its own public image. The slogan “success with honor” has become more important than actually achieving success with honor. There were points in the university’s past when it had success with honor (and it didn't print that slogan on a t-shirt at that once-honorable time in its past), but it has since sold out royally and drunk its own kool aid.

I see good, sane, rational people who went to PSU or grew up in State College defending the instituition this past week, and I don’t exactly understand what they feel they’re defending. The university will suffer for these crimes, and the university deserves to suffer for these crimes. There will be legal consequences and financial consequences and consequences that forever impact the story and reputation of this institution. There will be scars from this that will never go away and never stop hurting. There is no healing from this for Penn State. The school can move forward, and should, but they should also pay dearly for allowing this to happen, and they surely will. I read my own words and they feel awfully jaded... and I bet most of those sticking up for the institution have heartfelt reasons for why they feel that way. I can't assume to know better.

What I hope can come of this eventually, though, is a shift in culture there. I would like for State College to assume a greater responsibility, perhaps starting with the assumption of police responsibility for all of University Park. I would like for Penn State to humble itself and put a stop to the excessive drinking, which is so entrenched that it merited a feature story on NPR, one where "gown" appeared very bullying to "town." Enforce a culture of sobriety if it means anything to them as an institution; clearly it hasn’t meant a damn thing for decades now.

I would like for their admissions office to be a bit more judicious. Perhaps there is a template for riotous and vulgar behavior that could be screened in admissions applications. Hundreds of other institutes of public education have managed to not be defined by drunken fools and the decision-making of moronic douche bags. Perhaps Penn State could, for once, sincerely endeavor not to allow such foolishness to happen, instead of turning the blind and winking eye to that, too.

I feel so much more sorrow for State College, a remarkable community of good-willed families and forward-thinking people, than I will ever feel for Penn State. Penn State, for all its remarkable accomplishments (and the list remains extensive and impressive), allowed some despicable and vile cultures to take hold. The bacteria in those cultures spread into a virulent strain of a stupid, horrifying, and apish disease. This past week we’ve witnessed some of the results of what can happen when blindness replaces oversight, when corporate personhood replaces humanity, and when distractions become the main focus and education becomes a distraction.

I’m directing Antigone right now with a group of wonderful and dedicated high school students, and one moment that gives me chills is when the blind prophet Tieresias tells Creon:

Creon, all men are wrong at times.

This is known.

We are all of us fools at moments in our lives.

The man who is no fool in his heart

will always try to make things right.

The man who sees his folly,

who sees the darker half of his evil self in the mirror,

and decides to change course from his darker path,

he can be saved.

Men who will parade their iron mettle,

who will never examine themselves,

who brag of their hard-headed stubbornness,

these men make themselves look pathetic and stupid.

So I guess what I feel is sadness and bitterness that anyone can think much about football at a time like this, as that is indicative of the larger change that is necessary. I am sad and bitter, too, that Paterno, who knows a great deal more about Greek literature than I do and the nature of tragedy--it exists that we might learn to make wiser choices--chose the actions he chose, and also chose the inaction. PSU Football has for a long time been a symbol of doing things better, but if that symbol becomes intensely problematic (and it has), can the school manage to change itself for the better or will it simply keep perpetuating its own problems?

I pray for the childhoods Sandusky ruined. I pray for the hearts he has broken. As the sun continues to come up over what people once lovingly referred to as Happy Valley, I doubt it can ever be really considered that anymore, as one of its heroes has driven a dagger into its heart and twisted the knife. But as that new day dawns again and again and the world moves inexorably onward, I hope for justice for those victims. It should result in their destroyer being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. It should result in serious legal consequences for any and all who allowed it to happen and did not do nearly enough. It should also result in an end to the isolationism, naïveté, crass corporatism, base stupidity and horrifyingly blind selfishness that has come to define an institution that knows much, much better. It should result in matters of grave consequence.

Much of the workforce, student body, and body of alumni of Penn State have their perspectives firmly in place in a healthy way. They celebrate the way the school shapes minds and character for the better. They appreciate the good things and don't overhype the things that ultimately bear little relevance to making life better. I would offer that the vast majority of the people associated with Penn State believe in what it has done for all the right reasons. This is not a hopeless scenario. Many friends and alumni are suggesting we shift the focus to philanthropic efforts aimed at ending child abuse. This is a wonderful start to the change that must happen. I'm going to make a donation to RAINN right now.

-Robert Campbell (State College Area High School '97; Penn State University '02 BA Theatre Arts / Honors & '08 MEd Curriculum and Instruction) started going to Penn State Football games with his dad when he was six. Most of his extended family got degrees there, and several of his immediate and extended family have had long careers working for Penn State. He loves his adopted hometown of State College, which he moved to at the age of fourteen. He believed in everything Joe Paterno brought to the institution's identity, as did hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions, of others. Joe at his best seemed to think life was about a great deal more than football...